More than six decades ago there was a book written by Les Giblin titled How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People. This is one of those books to read over, and over, and over again. It never gets old. In fact, It will likely reveal more with each new time you read it. The principles found within are timeless. This book is one of five top books I can recommend to anyone who deals with living, breathing human beings in any part of his or her life. (Yes. That means YOU.)
One of the biggest and most important takeaway’s from this book is what Les calls the “Triple-A formula for attracting people”.
The first “A” is ACCEPTANCE.
Every person on this planet craves it at the most primitive level. We literally NEED it in order to function at a normal level within any community we associate with. Les Quotes a psychologist as saying “No one has the power to reform another person, but by liking the other person as he is, you give him the power to change himself.” I think one could just as easily refer to the Golden Rule; do to others what you would want done to you. Am I Right? Lets just go back to the principle based off the words of Jesus when he was asked what the greatest law was. Jesus basically replied by saying first love God then love people. You can read that story in Matthew chapter 22, verses 34-40.
Acceptance works wonders in any relationship. As Mr. Giblin goes on to describe the husband/wife relationship, he makes it very clear that ” Of course, everything I’ve said about wives applies just as much, if not more so, to husbands.” What he is referring to in that remarks is found in part in the following words.“… a wife gives her husband acceptance not only give him a dose of self-confidence, but also gives him a good dose of human kindness, and that easy-to-get-along-with quality. for, by her acceptance, she helps him to like himself better. When he likes himself better, he is going to be easier to get along with . He is going to be more thoughtful and considerate.”
The same thing can be applied to a co-worker or some other family member or acquaintance. The principle is the same and the results will follow, although not every relationship will see the improvement within the same length of time. You may have to be patient… very patient sometimes! If you also add the use of the second “A”, you may not need to wait quite so long.
The Second “A” is APPROVAL.
Acceptance is the fist step because it’s allowing the negative traits to exist but approval takes it to the next level by finding and pointing out the positive traits in the person. This is truly magic if you are actually sincere! BE SINCERE! I cannot stress this point enough. Anybody can smell a phony compliment. Find something that you can GENUINELY approve of in the person you’re talking to. Stay away from the obvious traits, the ones that “everybody” sees. Take the time to look deeper and get specific. Les puts it this way: “A good rule to remember in complimenting people is this: people are more pleased at a compliment if you praise them for some virtue that is not glaringly obvious.” He follows that up with this. “But he may be good at other things, which are not so obvious. Seek these out and praise him for them, and watch him glow!” That sure sounds like magic to me. I challenge you to go out right now and make another person glow. The world would be a better place if more of us did that!
Let’s check out the third “A” which is APPRECIATE.
Les Giblin does a marvelous job at showing us what it means to appreciate someone. He says “The word appreciate really means to raise in value, or the opposite of depreciate, which means to lower in value. Wow! did you catch that? By appreciating someone else, we are raising them in value! Les Quotes Dr. Brooks with saying it this way: “When you appreciate a person, you actually make him more valuable and more successful.” If you want to increase your Social capital and have more people like being around you, then you must find a way tell other people what you like and value about them. You must treat them as an individual instead of “rubber-stamping” them in the same manner you do everyone else.
I will end with this:
Some of you need to stop being so focused on your self and start turning your focus toward increasing the value of others around you. I can promise you one thing. If you take these three A’s and put them into practice in your life, you will be amazed at how much value others will then place on you!
I sincerly appreciate each one of you who take the time to tell me what you think, like, and share this blog. Thank-you.