Tag Archives: people skills

Triple-A Formula For Attracting People (Part 2)- Validation

Let me set the stage for a moment:  Almost every major book on the topics of leadership, management, success, and personal growth has “listening to great audio recordings” listed as a key component toward helping any individual achieve more, do more, and be more in life. I stumbled into this information a few years ago began to apply it in my life. I  now listen to a lot of audio recordings throughout each day to gain insight on specific topics, and also to get myself (that sinister, critical, and negative inner voice) to shut-up long enough to hear some positive truth and encouraging information.  One such audio recording I was listening to a few days ago had a commentary from the late Jackie Lewis.  She mentioned a blog post by Orrin Woodward who was recently ranked by Inc. Magazine as one of the world’s top 20 leadership and management experts.

I loved this video and thought it was a great follow up to my prior post: Triple-A Formula For Attracting People. I suggest you read that original post before you continue.

Orrin’s post is great! Take a few minutes to read his words and watch the attached video.  Post your thoughts comments and answers to the following questions below.  Have you ever experienced this kind of validation? (If so, see Orrin’s assignment below.) Have you ever given this kind of validation?  How did it make you feel afterward in either case?

Here is what Orrin posted:

I watched the most incredible 15 minute video of my entire life.  The lessons in this short 15 minutes cover a range from joy to depression, victories to setbacks, naive positivity to chosen positivity, self to others, individual to team, living small to living large, hopeless to hopeful, taking to giving, paycheck to significance, and many more. 


The longer I live, the more I realize the essential hunger inside of everyone to be accepted, approved and appreciated.  If we, as human beings, could all learn to focus on others before focusing on ourselves, we would overcome so many of the problems that plague our society today.  If we desire acceptance in life, then we must give acceptance.  If we desire approval in life, then we must give approval.  If we desire appreciation in life, then we must give appreciation.  If we desire validation in life then we must give validation and if we desire smiles then give others your smile. 


I know people can accuse me, an engineer, of losing my rationality and falling into sentimentality, but I know what I speak is true.  A sincerely thought out and spoken or written comment can fuel a person for a week.  I know many high achievers and it is as true for them as it is for a young child.  Recognition: grown men die for it and babies cry for it.  Do not hoard this precious gift.  Do not feel that complimenting and praising others takes from you.  Appreciation is one of the few gifts that the more you give it away, the more it returns to you.  You will gather more bees with honey than vinegar.  There is a shortage of honey and stockpiles of vinegar in life.  This short film has inspired me to share my thanks with you.


I want to thank all of my friends and family for the many kind words and encouraging statements.  I will never be able to share how much they have meant to me over the last year.  The world tends to beat the joy out of you, but you still have the choice of whether to surrender your joy.  If you lost your joy in 2008, then choose now to reclaim it by giving away joy to others.  Start a virtuous cycle of sincere praise and appreciation and let’s change the world one life at a time!  Can you imagine if every person at every open encourage the other people at our opens like Hugh Newman?  The Team would be well past one million people in no time at all!  God Bless, Orrin Woodward


Assignment: Please share the names of people who have brought joy to your life through their encouraging words of appreciation and validation.


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Becoming Referable (By Tim Marks)

Tim Marks, author of Voyage of a Viking and his latest best-selling book Confidence of a Champion, gives some very practical and useful information for anyone with a desire to expand their level of influence.  By putting these practices into action over the last year, I have personally seen great results. You also can improve and add to your professional network.   Enjoy the article.

Becoming Referable

Posted on July 6, 2013 by

It’s true that success in business and in LIFE comes down in many ways to who you know.  This applies in several ways.  First, it may mean a mentorship perspective, where knowing a successful mentor can help you avoid the proverbial landmines of personal experience while figuring out the process to success alone.  It matters who you associate with.  Robert Kiyosaki teaches that our income is the average of the five people with whom we associate most often.  And, it matters when building a business community, because a new friend can connect you to their friends.

You want to make sure that people want to make that critical introduction of YOU to the people they know.  How can you help inspire them to do so?  By becoming REFERABLE.  Here are 7 key points to get you started!

1.  Always be looking for opportunities to expand your network.   If you aren’t meeting people, you won’t know anyone who WOULD refer you!  To become referable, keep making new friends.  We attract what we focus on.  If you have a goal of connecting with people, you will notice those golden opportunities when they present themselves.  Be on the lookout for clubs and associations that create opportunities to make connections, such as the local Rotary Club, Toastmasters, or various Meetup groups in your area.

2. Have character and integrity.  The minute you show yourself to be untrustworthy, no one of character will refer you.  They will point you out to their friends, but only as a warning.  “Don’t go near that guy,” they will say ominously.  “He cheated me out of a business deal.”  Some guys so crooked you could screw them in the ground.  A small business owner operates from a base of profit motive and a commitment to provide a valuable service or product. A business owner communicates truth using direct and indirect means. You reveal your commitment to honesty when you pay your company bills and employees. When you file taxes, report to your investors and make commitments to your customers, you communicate virtue. Looked at from another angle, failing to meet your corporate responsibilities establishes a climate of mistrust and potential illegality.  Don’t cook the books, cheat on your taxes, gossip about people, break your word, neglect a commitment, or speak negatively about others when they aren’t present to defend themselves.  Never let it be said of you, “Watch out for that person.”  Make sure that you carry yourself with such a high degree of integrity that people would do a business deal on a handshake with you.

3. Be interested in the other person and their job and company. We naturally tend to like people who like us.  Maybe we think they’ve got good taste!  Joking aside, if you have a meeting with someone, show your interest in them by following up in a punctual timeframe.  After you’ve made a new business contact, make sure within a week or two that you’ve called them to touch base.  If the contact is a former client or just someone you’ve talked to before, now might be the perfect time to ask for a referral. If it’s a prospect you’re calling, maybe you can set up an appointment to have coffee and find out if their plans might include using your services.  Take an interest in people and what’s going on in their lives.  For example, if a client mentioned they were working on an important project, give them a personal call to check in and see how the project is going.  If you are working with them, always ask if there is anything more you can do to serve them and their business.  If you are fortunate enough to have had business referred to you, call the person who referred the business and thank them!  Take the time to try to learn more about their current activities so you can refer business to them.  When you take an interest in helping others, kind deeds tend to circle back to us.

4.  Track who you meet.  When you meet someone for the first time, take a second to jot down any important information that they brought up in the conversation.  When I meet people, after the conversation is finished and I walk away, if I have their business card I like to pause for a second and jot notes on the back of it about our conversation.  If I caught family information, career info, personal hobbies, or even a reminder of how and where we met, it will help me to show a sincere interest in them when I phone back.  If they don’t use business cards, take a minute and jot some notes in your cellphone about them.  It’s not only valuable to do this for the follow up, but for the long-term relationship.  If they mentioned their birthday or anniversary date, make a note of that!  How amazing would it be to send them a note of congratulation on their birthday or anniversary.  It’s so rare that you will stand out from the crowd.  A good habit is to list  people to stay in touch with. Include anyone who has given you business in the last 12 monthsas well as any other prospects you’ve connected with recently. Send them cards on the next holiday.

5.  Look sharp!  If you want people to refer you to others, be presentable.  Dress in a way that would make them feel proud to introduce you to the most important people in their lives, to the people in their inner circle.  Don’t dress like your peers; dress like the people who have accomplished what you want to accomplish.  It’s amazing how simple grooming and basic hygiene can be missed, but if you want people to refer you, you had better shower, shave, brush your team, polish your shoes, and remove the dog hair!  Look sharp to become sharp.

6.  Practice excellent people skills.  Simply be courteous toward everyone whose path you cross.  Four basic principles of people skills and integrity are:  a, Show up on time.  b. Do what you say.  c. Finish what you start.  d. Say please and thank you.  While these may seem basic, I am always shocked when I meet grown men and women who literally fail at these four things on a regular basis.  You don’t have to sound like a fake news caster and sound “polished” to have people skills; you just to see the inherent value and worth in all people and treat them accordingly.

7. Have a positive attitude! Nobody wants to even be around someone who has a bad attitude, much less network with them. If you want to be referable, be pleasant and friendly.  If you light up the room when you walk out, I am talking to you right now!  Start learning to smile more often.  See the good in each person and each situation.  When problems arise, try to seek the solution to the problem rather than moaning and complaining that something isn’t going right.  Choose to laugh and shrug off the minor inconveniences of the day.  The people who might want to refer you are fighting their own battle with the day.  Aspire to be the “friction free” team mate who shows respect for everyone on the court.  If you lift people’s spirits when you are around them, you are on the fast-track to becoming referable!

Apply these seven principles every day, and the people in your business and your LIFE will refer you.  Keep learning, growing and getting referred!

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Leaders Are Readers

I’m going to make a big assumption here that because you are reading this, YOU have a desire to be a better leader! I’m going to write this to you, the leader. If this is not you, It’s OK. I have faith you still want to be a better husband of wife.  Maybe you just want to be better in one of the 8 F’s of LIFE.life-wheel

I have great news for you!  This will help if you apply the information!

You may have heard it said before that “leaders are readers”.  I’d like to take a moment to remind you of not only the importance of reading but also how to read effectively!   You might be asking  “How does a person read effectively?”  You might be thinking ” I read a book last week and it was a good book. I even learned some things.”  By referring to a person reading effectively,  I am suggesting that you are reading it far more effectively than just running your eyes across the print from page to page untill you’ve finished the book and call it “done”.

Before I go into detail about the ways to read effectively, I want to remind you of how important it is to read.  referring to the saying that I opened with, Would you agree that all great leaders are great readers?   Great!  I thought you would.  Would you also agree with me that not all readers are leaders?   Thank you.  I knew you would.  If all great leaders are great readers, but reading, in-and-of-itself does not make one a great leader then there must be something missing from this equation. Right?  OK. So, now that we have that established, let me ask you another question.  What is that missing piece or pieces?  While you sit there still trying to figure it all out, let me point out that you must become a reader if you want to be a leader. Period.  Whether you have a formal, positional leadership role or in a subordinate role,  a parent or a teenager, a husband or a wife, you are leading someone, in some way!  You are either leading them well or not so well.  It is your choice!   OK. I’ll stop beating you over the head now.  I think you understand the importance by now.

This is where the rubber meets the road as they say!   When it comes to reading, the first thing to ask is “What should I be reading?”  I’m so glad you asked!  Picture this:  you walk into the book store and you are looking for a good book to start reading.  How do you know which one to pick?  Do you just grab one and hope it will give you good information?  Let me ask you a nother question… If you knew somebody had read thousands of books from many genre’s, would it be a good idea to ask that person which book you should start with based on your current status, interests, or struggles?   Of course it would be good idea!

That reason alone is a great big part of why the LIFE business is such a huge success in changing lives.  Orrin Woodward and the other founders of LIFE have gone through the process I just described!   Of the thousands of books each of the founders have read, there are 5 books that are the best, first 5 they recommend.  I have personally taken the advise to read the top 5 books and I can tell you without any hesitation that as a leader, you must get good with people and these 5 books are the best starting point.

Now that you have chosen your books, it’s time to get effective in your reading. Here are the habits you must learn in order to have the most effective reading!

  • Read daily
  • Write the date in the front of each book when you start reading it.
  • Use a pen to underline, highlight, “star”, make comments, and argue with the author as you read.
  • Take notes in the margins.  Especially if you need help with comprehension, summarize each paragraph with a word or short phrase.
  • Review your comments, notes, underlines and etc after you read the book, before you “finnish” the book.
  • Record the date you finished the book in a journal.  (Notice that you should be keeping a journal.)
  • Ask your self, and record in your journal, after you’ve read each book ” what was the author’s key point and how can I apply it?”
  • Read several books from several genre’s at the same time. Such genre’s as politics, classics, economics, theology, philosophy, history, faith, leadership, and success are great places to start.
  •  recommend your favorite books to others and teach them to do the things you just learned.

I applaud your choice to start making better reading habits.  If you found this helpful, Please take a moment to share this with your friends and leave a comment below.  Be blessed as you continue your leadership journey.


Philip Brittain


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